I never had a doubt about being introvert. From my early childhood within the range of my remembrance to this day, I never felt like I am the guy who is going to put his shirt off and rock a party. Barring the usual bad culinary and all those stuffs, it was one of the prominent reason not to choose hostel when I got admitted in the University. Now I can't say it is paying me off a great deal, but at least I'm living the life I wanted.

Am I?

There are certain things I need to clear out here first. I do have some plans for my life and I am pretty much resolute on these. I was, I am and I will always be there for my first love Physics. It is something I crave for in my life, it is something that gives me purpose. But putting that aside, am I just a bionic structure which runs a customized program on Physics? I do not think so, I do have feelings like any other human being. I love to talk, to connect with people who think alike and who do not. Getting back to my introversion where I started this piece, I cannot just jumpstart conversing with people. I feel numb at times in gatherings especially for this reason, and just want to run out of the place.

On the other hand, the good part in all these emotional breakdown talks is that I did gain a couple of great friends here. People whom I actually believe to be caring for me, people who do think that I am worthy of their time and companion. Most of the times I do talk a lot just because I can't talk with anyone else when I get back in my room. I can't deny the fact that I feel depressed when I am alone. And the buddy I like most accused me of something I never thought of - obsession of avoiding people!

He thinks I have this obsessive compulsive disorder to avoid people around me, I feel satisfied when I can make people leave me. Now that attracts a really important question before me? Am I hurting myself without knowing it? Am I getting more alone by accepting the fact that I am alone? Is my depression self inflicted?

I do not know, yet.